Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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