shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
