Is it because I queefed?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
