4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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