Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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