Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I will be naked everywhere
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
