2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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