I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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