I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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