it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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