What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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