What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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