Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Please, let me fuck your mom
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
