The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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