YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Randomize
