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Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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