I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
