I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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