You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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