i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
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