put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
