Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
