Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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