My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You've changed since you got that strap on
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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