I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
