We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
