You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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