how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
