I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize