i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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