I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
