Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
