is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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