Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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