The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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