This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
