I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
