maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Randomize
