:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
