Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
