woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
