Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
