Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
