Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
