i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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