I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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