Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
