you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
