Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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