she woke up with a sticky ear
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
