I puked a lego.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
